A Moment of Transparency
Hey there, I know it’s been a while since my last blog post… and honestly so much has changed since I've written my last blog post. I graduated from law school, I took the bar exam, and I even turned 25! All of these things seem to be super exciting, yet all I can focus on lately are my failures and the things I haven’t done. I should be proud of myself for finishing school during a global pandemic. I should be proud of myself for taking the hardest exam I’ve ever taken in my entire life. I should be proud of myself for accomplishing most of the goals I set for myself before I turned 25 years old. I've dealt with anxiety for a long time, but this is different. Something seems off for me.
Instead of being proud of myself I often focus on the fact that I haven’t figured out my career yet, and the fact that I’m back to living with my parents. It hasn’t been easy for me to accept these things. I’m the type of person who likes to work and be productive. I enjoy making my own money and not having to rely solely on my parents. I would prefer to be self-sufficient… but right now I feel like I am neither of those things. I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life making plans to go to college, to go to law school, and to take the bar exam. Now that I have accomplished all of these goals, I feel lost as to what my next steps should be.
I honestly and truly believe that post-grad depression is a topic that is not spoken about enough. Post-grad depression is real… and if you are dealing with it right now, please just know you are not alone. It is so easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others and to feel like you are not doing enough. I know that I have that problem, and it is something I am definitely working on. It is so easy to paint the perfect picture on social media and act like everything is great and life is going exactly as planned. But that’s exactly what it is…. an act. And I want any graduate or person, in general, that is feeling lost or as if they’re not living to their full potential to know that it's okay to celebrate your little victories. It’s okay if things don’t go exactly as you hoped or planned. It’s okay to ask for help. Try not to get caught up in everything you’re not doing, and give yourself props for the things you have done.
I know it’s easier said than done, and I too am on a journey for self-love. I too focus on all of the things that I have not done. I too focus on the fact that I honestly don't know what I'm doing right now. I too let anxiety and negative thoughts overtake any hope I have at optimism. The first step for me is getting back to the one thing that made me happy: blogging.
If you deal with post-grad depression or depression in itself, just know I understand how it feels and how hard it is to push through it. But, it is definitely possible to get to the other side. I'm still working towards getting to the other side. I definitely have days that are up and I have days that are down; but my biggest motivation stays the same: my sisters. I want my sisters to know that it is okay to put yourself and your mental health first; other people's opinions don't matter, as long as you're happy. I want my sisters to know it is okay to not be okay. I want my sisters to know that however they feel, they are supported. I want my sisters to know, that if they ever feel an ounce of depression or doubt, I can understand how they feel and we can work through it. So here’s to writing more blogs, here's to spreading positivity, and here's to celebrating the little things in life! This is my moment of transparency. From now on, I want to be unapologetically myself. I hope you continue to join this journey with me.